Longing
by Actorbaybee
Summary: "And I don't want the world to see me  'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  When everything's meant to be broken  I just want you to know who I am" - In which Vince has to fight with his feelings for a certain Jazz freak.. Set between series 1 & 2
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be nice :)**_

_**Oh yeah, and Boosh isn't mine. I wish it was though...  
><strong>_

_Vince Couldn't stop himself, couldn't tear his eyes away from those clever hands. Musicians hands. He Shuddered, the next thing he knew, his face was right by Howard's. It wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened. A Quick blink, and suddenly he was kissing him. A flutter, not just from his eyelashes, but also in his heart. He's falling. Howard's pushed him away, so harshly that Vince's head smashes against the wall with a mighty thump. The last thing he sees before he runs away (He isn't crying, he tells himself, despite the wetness gathering on his cheeks) is Howard's disgusted face. Vince was only 17. But that was the day he vowed to keep his feelings to himself. The day something inside him broke, and began to claw at his brain and slowly kill him. Ever so slowly._

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><p>Vince woke with a start. He hated dreaming, in fact he did <em>everything<em> in his power to avoid it, staying out all night drinking, watching Colobus The Crab repeats that only played at 3am, Painting. Everything was to avoid sleep. To avoid the dreams.  
>Looking across the room to check that Howard was still asleep, Vince let his shaking hand drift down his body, he sighed softly as it reached it's destination. To say this happened often was an understatement, images danced in front of Vince's tired eyes, so he closed them, making the images more vivid, if Howard knew this was happening every night as he slept, he had never let Vince know. Biting on his lip as he came, only one word escaped. A name. "Howard..."<p>

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><p><strong><em>Reviews = Love.<em>**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I own The Boosh ... I'm only kidding. I still don't own it. Sorry guys ;)  
><strong>_

"Vince?" ... "I know you have an image to uphold, but this is ridiculous!" ... "Vince! Will you just get out of the bathroom, you little tit-box" Vince wrapped his newly dyed hair in a towel, a brown towel so the dye didn't seep through and make Howard angry like last time, and opened the bathroom door to find Howard hopping from one foot to the other, Vince would have laughed at the sight if he wasn't so nervous about his hair, Howard just shoved past him and slammed the door, not even noticing the strand of Vince's blonde hair that always escaped, was now not blonde at all, it was black.  
>Vince sighed and went off to their room, why they still shared a room was beyond him, he had kicked off and complained that Howard would infect it with all his jazz, but he secretly loved sharing the room with Howard. Just knowing he was there was enough. Sitting at his dressing table, Vince began to line up his hair products, all in order for him to use, he then set about doing his hair, he was scared of what Howard would think, would he hate it? Vince knew that Howard had a thing for dark hair (Not that it was his reason for dying it, Vince told himself, despite knowing that's the exact reason he dyed it) but what if he <em>really<em> hated it?

Chewing his bottom lip with worry, Vince set about doing his make up. That was the exact moment his brain cell decided to remind him of the mess on the bathroom tiles, he'd forgotten to clean it up, again, tears pricked in his eyes as he heard Howard shout from in the bathroom about "Cleaning up his shit after himself" hiding his face on his arms as Howard came storming into their room, Vince tried not to sob, tried not to let Howard know, just how useless he was, how much he tried to be good, to be perfect, to do everything right. But he couldn't, he'd never be perfect, not for his Howard.

"Vince... Hey, what's wrong, little man?" _Oh great, now Howard knew_, and as his calloused hand came down gently to rub Vince's shoulder, the younger man sobbed, unable to stop himself, he just hid his face and sobbed. Howard only now noticing Vince's hair, played with a strand, twirling it around his fingers as he murmured softly "Is this about your hair? ... Didn't it come out right?" Howard knew nothing of hair, or fashion in general really, but Vince did. Fashion meant everything to Vince, when he just continued sobbing without even answering Howard's questions, Howard knew it was time for drastic measures, lifting the little man from his stool, Howard placed him gently on his lap, and held his head against his chest. Howard hated physical contact, but Vince didn't, Vince craved it, and right now Howard decided to fight his own urges to run and shout at him for touching him, and just wrap his arms around the thin frame in his lap. "I know my opinion doesn't mean much, but I think it's nice..."


	3. Chapter 3

_I finally got rid of my writers block! So now you can finally have a chapter! :D  
>If you have any requests as to what you think should happen, let me know, I'd love to hear!<em>

_Disclaimer: I own this laptop, but unfortunately, I do not own The Mighty Boosh... Yet._

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><p>Vince sighed as he walked back up into the flat. They were fighting again, Howard hadn't wanted Vince to go out, but Vince had to go out, Howard didn't understand, he couldn't stand to be in this flat with him anymore. He had to escape, before he did something that would ruin everything.<br>Sighing, he kicked off his boots and settled on the sofa, already in a daydream about Howard hugging him again.

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><p>Vince pretended to be asleep, because he still on that sofa when Howard came out of their room at 6 the next morning, he heard Howard walk past him, <em>Thank God, he didn't see me<em> "Bloody lazy shite" _Oh. Maybe he has seen me then_, Vince couldn't help the stab of pain that went through his heart at Howard's words, but he didn't say anything, he didn't want Howard to _know _he was awake, oh no! _That would be a disaster..._  
>Vince peeked one sapphire eye open, and instantly regretted it, Howard was in the kitchen making tea, this was a normal occurrence, what wasn't normal was that Howard was <em>topless<em> Vince gulped and urged himself not to get a hard on. _For the love of Jagger, Please. Not here, not right now._

Suddenly he heard Howard move towards him and snapped his eyes shut as he fought for control of his face, he couldn't see anything, but Vince knew Howard was standing over him, eventually he felt Howard's careful hands sliding underneath him, Vince could now hear his heartbeat in his ears, and he had to fight not to make a sound as Howard suddenly lifted him gently, holding him to his chest carefully as he took him somewhere. _He's so warm... And safe, I could just let him hold me all day, I wouldn't even go out any more if I could hug him instead...  
><em> Vince felt himself being lowered onto the familiar comfort that was his bed, Howard grunted in pain as he stood back up again and Vince felt tremendously guilty, _I shouldn't have pretended to be asleep and let Howard hurt his...  
><em>

Vince's thoughts stopped there as he felt Howard's fingers gently wind through his hair, massaging his scalp, and Vince could only let himself be swept away with happiness as a soft mewling sound escaped his lips and he drifted off into real sleep with Howard's hand in his usually untouchable raven locks.

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><p><em>I have nearly finished the next chapter :D<br>I plan on being more regular with this now :)  
>I also have twitter if you want to request anything :D I'd LOVE requests! Even if they're nothing to do with this fic.<br>Twitter = Actorbaybee  
>Until next time my Booshies! <em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Told you I'd be better at updating :D_  
><em>I changed the format a bit in this chapter, I just think it reads better :)<em>  
><em>Enjoy.<em>

_Disclaimer. I have been forced by Saboo to tell you all I do not own the Boosh._

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><p>Everywhere Vince looked there was couples, it was if the world was mocking him.<br>Even Leroy had a girlfriend now!

Vince trudged past them all with his Topshop bags, eyes aimed at his feet, every time he heard someone call his name, he forced a smile onto his face and acted like he was the sunshine that was currently forcing the whole of London to wear shorts and dresses.

The reason Vince was sadder today than any other day?

Howard had finally insisted that Vince move out of their room, so he and his jazzy freak girlfriend (the one that didn't actually exist yet) could spend some time alone without Vince _"stealing her away with the bat of your stupid eyelashes"_ (which Vince thought was a totally unfair thing to say, because it had only happened once, and it _was_ an accident, he didn't even like her, he was just being nice _and_ Vince had beautiful eyelashes!)

As Vince thought about the cold white room waiting for him when he got home, his eyes refilled with tears, and he had to literally drag himself into the flat, the flat where Howard was, he sighed and tried his best to get to his _new_ room before Howard came out from the kitchen, but it seems nothing was going to go right for him today.  
>"Where the <em>hell<em> have you been? We were supposed to be moving your stuff from my room!"  
>Howard didn't shout, and Vince zoned out as Howard went on a rant about how Vince didn't want Howard to ever find happiness (Which is so untrue the berk)<br>_he never shouts, that must mean he still cares about me, right?  
><em>He wasn't paying attention to what the Maverick was saying, but Vince could still hear the venom and anger in his voice.

Unable to speak, Vince just shrugged at the older man and tried to push past him  
>"Well?"<br>Howard demanded, not letting him get away that easily.  
><em>Why is he so angry? I always go to Topshop on a Tuesday... And no little man? He really don't care about me anymore.<br>_"W's at Topshop" Vince mumbled, the sadness at his realisation settling into a dull ache in his bones. Howard growled in either anger, or frustration, Vince couldn't tell, and to be honest, he didn't think it really mattered, all Vince could think was  
><em>He doesn't care about me anymore<br>_"You only care about yourself, don't you! You're so selfish, Vince!"  
>Howard muttered in disgust as he stormed back to the kitchen, Vince's eyes refilled with tears and he scampered off into his new, plain, boring, Howardless room.<p>

_Oh if only you knew how wrong you are, Howie._

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><p><em>Reviews = 3<em>


	5. Chapter 5

**_Hullo! :D  
>I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update, I've had this chapter saved on my phone for the past 3 days, but have been too busy to post it.<br>Also, sorry it's so short xD  
>However, I'm glad to say this chapter is from Howard's POV :D<em>**

**_So yeah, I own lots of Boosh DvD's but unfortunately I don't own the Boosh! It belongs to Noel and Julian :B_**

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><p>Howard was moving the last of Vince's stuff into the other room when he saw it, the photo, it was inside the smaller man's pillow case and it looked as if that was where it lived. Howard stroked his fingers over the familiar faces, it was Vince and himself in the arctic tundra. It was the only photo Vince had managed to take before the camera got too frost bitten and refused to turn on, Howard smiled in fondness of the memory, then cleared his throat as he began to think about what Vince had worn on the certain expedition. <em>I really don't need to think about that right now<em> Howard mentally told himself as he started to remember exactly how much that outfit had clung to Vince's slender body.  
>"Vince... Why is this in your pill-"<br>He didn't get a chance to finish because Vince snatched it off him so quickly and harshly that it ripped into two pieces, half showing Howard, the other showing Vince _How ironic_ thought Howard, Vince's eyes widened and Howard could tell he was holding in tears, panicked and feeling guilty Howard reached forward for Vince's hands gently.  
>"Vince... It's alright. We can fix it."<br>Vince just shook his head, his eyes full of tears.  
>"Not... Not same..."<p>

Howard now felt increasingly guilty he should have known something like this would happen, he was always hurting his best friend _That is why I need to distance myself. I need to stop kidding myself. It's never going to happen._  
>"Vince. Come on. It's just a photo"<br>Vince stared up at Howard and the taller man swore that he saw hurricanes in those eyes  
>"No... I didn't mean... Look, we can fix it. It's ok"<br>As Howard stumbled through his full hearted assurance, Vince just turned and ran away.  
>Away into his new room.<br>Away from Howard.  
>Away from the photo.<p>

Howard looked down at his feet and saw his own smiling face staring up at him.  
>Mocking him.<p>

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><p><strong><em>So yeah :D<br>Reviews = love 3_**


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